Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
