Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
