Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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