i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
