and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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