i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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