I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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