Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
