I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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