he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
