I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
