Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
