you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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