Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
