if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
