I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
