At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
