please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
