my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
