My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
