the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
where are you?
Hypothermia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
