my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
