No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
