I want to make a zoo with you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need a beard to bite.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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