You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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