This is not my ceiling
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
