Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
