Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
time to smoke my breakfast
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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