I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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