Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
