oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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