So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
