Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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