Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
