When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
