Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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