i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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