I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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