SEEEEXXX PLEASE
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
