if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
