Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we made out on top of his cat.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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