drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
