She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
