found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
