The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
only you would photoshop your dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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