when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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