Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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