There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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