My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am naked and annoyed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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