Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
