I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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